Today I feel grateful.
So freaking grateful.
I haven’t felt grateful in a while.
Not that I haven’t been searching.
It’s just been absent from my life.
Life has been hard as of late. For many reasons, but I won’t bore you with the details. (Or entrance you, either.) But we all have those periods where it just sucks, you know? Where you ponder what it’s all for.
I have these moments most when I forget to rest.
When I forget to shut down, turn off, go within.
Or when I don’t have time for it.
And gosh, how life tries to steal that time from you.
Like, what’s the deal with the lawn that has to be mowed every single week? Or the weeds that keep growing and need to be pulled? Or the animals that need to be fed every day? Or the mundane, every day chores that just pull you into their banality and suck your every last whisper of life dry.
Because it doesn’t stop, you know. It’s like you get older and it just keeps coming. The responsibilities. The to-do list. The people you need to call, the doctors you need to see, the health insurance you don’t quite have the money to pay for.
This is when I forget.
But then I remember.
I remember in my breath. And in moving my body. And in rhythm and movement and connection and spirit.
I remember when I study with my teacher. Gosh, how I love my teacher. Sianna has this way of speaking and breathing and dancing and playing and pulsating rhythms and living and I cannot tell you how unfathomable it is that my practice and life has shifted so much just from meeting her, from having the strange intuitive pull to study with her when I had no idea who she was, or where she came from… But I felt it.
And I followed it.
And oh, how I’m glad I’ve followed it.
Yesterday I finally pulled out my Mythic Yoga Flow that has sat abandoned for the past three months as I’ve allowed my life to slip away into responsibilities and “have-tos” and “wine every night just to make it through the days”. And normally I don’t love videos, but her spirit just shines right on through. It’s the rhythm and the pulsation and the integration. It’s the flow and the stillness and the tensegrity and the beautiful, integrated weaving. It’s the tantra, and it’s together and it’s cohesive and we do mountain climber movements and super powerful HIIT actions combined with the beauty and grace of a slow, still hold.
It is everything.
And gosh how it wakes me up.
To life, to joy, to happiness.
It allows me to sit in the pain.
It allows me to breathe again.
And it allows me to teach. To teach with passion, and excitement, and clarity.
It’s different, you know? When you have a teacher who is teaching from a place of knowledge and one who teaches from embodiment. There’s something you can’t put words to - it’s the feeling of grace pulsing throughout your body, of power and wisdom and energy and shakti filling the vessel and waving it through undulations and twists and actions of opposition. And then to be held, in this container, this human form, this limited object, that gives us the ability to freely express within a range of conditions and to really, truly feel.
Some yoga aims to get you out of the body, to connect with spirit, to lift you up and connect with the divine.
But why do you need to escape the body when you can feel it move through your body?
It’s a spiritual experience.
It’s divine wisdom.
It’s inner peace.
It’s beauty unfolding.
It’s grace alive.
We have this great, incredible opportunity to be humans. To have the capacity for body rational thought and spiritual connection. To both plan ahead and be present.
We have an enormous responsibility, just by being the creatures we are, to care for ourselves. To care for each other. To care for all of God’s creatures, and mama earth, and the beauty of life itself.
Today I feel grateful.
And I thank yoga for that opportunity.