Mental real estate.
That’s what’s on my mind this morning.
When making a change, there’s phases to that change. Phases that are natural, normal - things that everyone experiences. The transtheoretical model of change tell us change goes like this:
Precontemplation (not even considering change) to
Contemplation (considering change) to
Preparation (plans to make change in the next few months) to
Action (making the change) to
Maintenance (sustaining new behavior for six months or more)
It seems all nice and linear and neat, but it’s not. We cycle through these phases of change over and over again - contemplation to action to preparation and back. And this is normal. It’s what we call ambivalence. When change (or “action”) starts to happen and you haven’t competely resolved that ambivalence, it’s easy to fall of the action train really quickly.
Not that you have to completely resolve your ambivalence before getting started. There’s that motto “Start before you’re ready” and - there’s truth in that. Sometimes, seeing positive change in the desired direction is enough to solve that ambivalence, solidify your commitment, and keep momentum moving that direction.
But, not always. Especially if ambivalence is so high, that our actions are only half hearted. For example, a person starting a new diet may think it’s a good idea; this person has read the book, feels confident in the evidence, and tries it out for a few days. When change doesn’t happen within a few short days, and the discomfort of the reality of changing eating patterns has set in, that person may decide weight loss efforts are futile and quit - or, the search for the “right” or “better” diet might set in.
So, back to mental real estate.
If you find yourself cycling like this, ask yourself: how much time to you spend debating in your head? How much mental real estate does this desired behavior change occupy?
Indecision is still a decision, but you’re mentally trapped in it. With a decision - even a decision you’re not fully sure of, you free up your mind space to enjoy other things. Whether you decide change is important enough to pursue and to suffer the discomfort of starting a new behavior, or decide to accept yourself as you are and suffer the discomfort of remaining the same, at least you have chosen and you can move on. You reclaim your power in decision.
It reminds me of my favorite quote from a Starbucks cup from over a decade ago:
The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life. -Anne Morris
Making a decision, and a commitment, will give you freedom.
As someone who personally struggles with decision in a few key areas, this idea is captivating for me.
Are there areas of your life that are occupying too much of your mental real estate? What needs to happen for you to - finally - make a decision and free yourself from the “tyranny of your internal critic”?
(Coaching helps with these things. We are trained in techniques like motivational interviewing and appreciative inquiry, which have been proven to help in behavior change. If you want to know if coaching is right for you, let’s chat. Email me here.)