How to Prioritize from your Spirit, Not Your Mind

Happy new year!

If you are like many (myself included), you are happy to see 2020 be gone, and you have a lot of ideas, hopes, and dreams for this new year. Part of my ritual that starts around the winter solstice and bleeds just into the new year is to take a while to do an inventory of my life of the previous year, all I have accomplished, what I’m grateful for as well as what I hope the new year holds. While I have specific goals in each area, I also come up with a word of the year for each. (You can read more on my word of the year and my specific reflections in my newsletter here - be sure to sign up to receive my occasional newsletter right in your inbox.)

One of the things that has to happen in order for us to achieve these goals in the new year is prioritization. I have a lot of things I want to accomplish this year, and also a lot of things I enjoy. So how do I decide what to focus on first?

There’s a myriad of different ways to prioritize, but my favorite way is to get underneath my prefrontal cortex and all of the things my brain things I “should” do, and listen instead to what my spirit really wants to do.

For example, I love to workout. I love yoga, I love to run, I love to lift weights, and I love to dance. If I use the executive function of my brain, and also what society tells me is good, I will do this a lot. Because health is a priority, and I enjoy exercise, and society tells me these are good things, it can be super easy to let this particular category dominate. (If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that for the past two years it has, running my first 50k in November 2019 to running 50 miles this past October.)

But if I give myself the opportunity to sit down and quiet, my spirit tells me that, while exercise is something important and crucial and necessary for my life, what I really want now is to write.

That means that, despite the fact that I would happily spend 3+ hours today moving my body, I know that 30-60 minutes is enough. In that extra time, I will write (or work on one of my other big goals for this year).

Prioritization is discipline. It’s taking a good inventory of everything that is important, both in your brain and in your spirit, and deciding how to spend your time accordingly.

For all of my perfectionists, this comes with some news: you cannot do everything. You cannot do everything and you certainly cannot do everything perfectly. If you were to take optimal care of your health, finances, relationships, spirit, home, etc., you would legitimately do nothing else but self care.

So, what are you holding on to that you can let go of? Or, where can you do something a little less perfectly?

For me, it’s swapping out hours on the trails and a daily yoga practice for just enough movement each day, so I can also write (and, fingers crossed, finally remodel the kitchen this year).

Let me know in the comments what your SPIRIT wants, and what you’re willing to let go of to follow that.

(Side note: you can borrow my word of the year of FAITH if that makes you a little bit terrified.)

Lots of love and happy new year!

A priority for everyone.

Free Up Your Mental Real Estate

Mental real estate.

That’s what’s on my mind this morning.

When making a change, there’s phases to that change. Phases that are natural, normal - things that everyone experiences. The transtheoretical model of change tell us change goes like this:

• Precontemplation (not even considering change) to

• Contemplation (considering change) to

• Preparation (plans to make change in the next few months) to

• Action (making the change) to

• Maintenance (sustaining new behavior for six months or more)

It seems all nice and linear and neat, but it’s not. We cycle through these phases of change over and over again - contemplation to action to preparation and back. And this is normal. It’s what we call ambivalence. When change (or “action”) starts to happen and you haven’t competely resolved that ambivalence, it’s easy to fall of the action train really quickly.

Not that you have to completely resolve your ambivalence before getting started. There’s that motto “Start before you’re ready” and - there’s truth in that. Sometimes, seeing positive change in the desired direction is enough to solve that ambivalence, solidify your commitment, and keep momentum moving that direction.

But, not always. Especially if ambivalence is so high, that our actions are only half hearted. For example, a person starting a new diet may think it’s a good idea; this person has read the book, feels confident in the evidence, and tries it out for a few days. When change doesn’t happen within a few short days, and the discomfort of the reality of changing eating patterns has set in, that person may decide weight loss efforts are futile and quit - or, the search for the “right” or “better” diet might set in.

So, back to mental real estate.

If you find yourself cycling like this, ask yourself: how much time to you spend debating in your head? How much mental real estate does this desired behavior change occupy?

Indecision is still a decision, but you’re mentally trapped in it. With a decision - even a decision you’re not fully sure of, you free up your mind space to enjoy other things. Whether you decide change is important enough to pursue and to suffer the discomfort of starting a new behavior, or decide to accept yourself as you are and suffer the discomfort of remaining the same, at least you have chosen and you can move on. You reclaim your power in decision.

It reminds me of my favorite quote from a Starbucks cup from over a decade ago:

The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life. -Anne Morris

Making a decision, and a commitment, will give you freedom.

As someone who personally struggles with decision in a few key areas, this idea is captivating for me.

Are there areas of your life that are occupying too much of your mental real estate? What needs to happen for you to - finally - make a decision and free yourself from the “tyranny of your internal critic”?

(Coaching helps with these things. We are trained in techniques like motivational interviewing and appreciative inquiry, which have been proven to help in behavior change. If you want to know if coaching is right for you, let’s chat. Email me here.)

When Motivation is the Issue

One of the biggest hangups in the fitness and wellness industry is motivation. Most of the time, people know what they “should” to do achieve their goals - eat more vegetables, move more, have more quiet reflective time - but the motivation to actually follow through may vary.

For me, the reward of running in the fall is experiencing all of the beauty that’s around me!

Traditional wellness programming uses incentive programs to instill motivation. For example, if you complete the smoking cessation program offered by your insurance company, you may receive a $100 Amazon Gift Card. Or, if you participate in x amount of group exercise classes at your company’s on-site fitness center, you receive a t-shirt.

These programs can be effective, for a time. The driver of these pursuits is external motivation: I am participating in this program to receive this external benefit. The benefit may be tangible (water bottles, tshirts, giveaways), financial (gift cards, discounts), or simply recognition and validation for your efforts (your doctor praises you, your photo is on the wall).

However, after a certain point, external motivation is no longer a driving factor in continuing health behaviors. At some point, the water bottles, financial benefits, and external validation seem hollow, and a return to previous behaviors takes place.

So how do some people manage to stay motivated? What brings someone from a short term success to a long term health behavior change implementation?

The key is to switch to internal motivation. If external motivation means you are doing a particular behavior to receive a particular reward (or avoid a particular consequence), internal motivation means that the behavior itself is the reward. Sometimes this means the behavior itself has become enjoyable (a new exerciser experiences “runner’s high” and finds joy in movement), or because the behavior gives you a connection to something you value (a runner sticks with a training program even when its not joyful because they value follow through).

A good wellness program, or coach, may first be a resource for external motivation (accountability, resources, positive reinforcement), but will eventually transition you towards more internal motivation. This is done by select questioning and affirming, so that the client can reflect on how good a new health behavior feels, or how this behavior ties in with their inherent value system.

If you find yourself struggling with motivation - find a coach! They can be paramount to your success and send you on the path of sustainable behavior change.

Quick Salmon and Bean Salad

One of the things that I love about cooking is that it connects me to my meal. My meal becomes an experience, rather than the all-too-often game I play of waiting until the last minute to eat and then shoveling in whatever I can find to calm my hunger. It’s like a weird game of roulette I play, and it often ends up poorly.

This particular meal is perfect for those days when you let your hunger go on too long, but you still want to nourish your body with something healthy. Most of these items are pantry staples, and it’s super easy to swap out the beans or the fish for something else you have on hand.

Recipe inspired by Run Fast Eat Slow.

Ingredients:

• 1 can of wild caught salmon, drained

• 1 can of white beans (or black beans, or garbanzo beans, etc) drained and rinsed

• chopped up onion to taste (I prefer red, and I have a heavy dose of onions because I love them)

• sprinkled in with chopped up black olives, feta cheese, sunflower seeds - I usually keep it at olives and call it good

• dressing made up of a few tablespoons of olive oil and a generous pour of apple cider vinegar, whisked

Directions: mix everything up in a bowl. Season generously with fresh ground sea salt and black pepper. Serve on top of crackers, on a bed of greens, or on toast… in a pita, or wrapped in a tortilla with arugula, or aside some roasted brussel sprouts…

You get the idea. Versatile, quick, delicious, and full of protein and fiber. Can’t go wrong!

Self Care Is Not a Pedicure

Over the past month, I have been working with several individual wellness coaching clients. The issues we are working through cover a wide variety of topics, but the issue that seems to be recurring over and over again is on Self Care.

At least three separate clients this week have said some phrase to me this week similar to this: “I would love to work more on __________, but honestly it seems so selfish. My family/work/spouse comes first, and I feel guilty taking a moment for myself when I could be doing something for others.”

In recent years, self care is praised all over the internet. Unfortunately, the type of self care I see touted most frequently is not true self care, but is sold as such under some guise of consumerism or avoidance. How often do you hear the phrases below, think them, or believe them to be true?

• “I deserve this glass of wine.”

• “A pedicure is my gift to myself.”

• “My self care is watching Netflix at the end of a hard day.”

These activities, while not harmful in and of themselves, are a direct result of the consumerism of our society. True Self Care is a world apart from these activities. To be clear: there is nothing wrong with having a glass of wine, getting a pedicure, or engaging in some good old Netflix - the problem becomes the confusion between these activities and true self care.

So what is real Self Care? It’s the basic, mundane activities we so often forget in our attempt to please the world around us. Self Care is attention. It says “I am worth the time it takes to pay attention to my thoughts, desires, and needs. I know that sometimes, I will need to placate my inner four year old and eat ice cream for dinner, but most of the time I will remember the health benefits of broccoli and eat that instead.” It is parenting yourself, out of love for your future self.

It looks like discipline, but when we can tap into it as a choice we are making for a greater good, it feels like a powerful stance of freedom.

Sometimes, it can look like disappointing others in the immediate future. But, consider what is more kind: disappointing someone in the moment to take time for yourself to run, make dinner, journal, etc - or placating what they want, putting your own needs off, and building a slow and steady resentment that may eventually eat at the relationship.

Self Care is parenting yourself, so that you can show up more authentically for others.

Just for a nice visual, I like to remember the quadrants of prioritization that Stephen Covey outlines in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (image below). Self Care often falls under the important but not urgent category, and thus it can easily get steamrolled by things that are urgent and important (like a deadline at work) or urgent but not important (like a ringing telephone or answering emails). Sometimes, we let the things that are not urgent and not important (social media, phone games) step over this category, too, because Self Care is not always fun and glamorous in the moment, and things like social media can be a welcome distraction. However, real Self Care leads to lasting and meaningful change that trickles into all other aspects of your life.

What do your quadrants look like, and what is Self Care for you on its deepest level? How will you begin to take steps to implement that in your life?

(P.S. If you need some extra help - behavior change is hard - coaching can help with just this. We get to the root of what it is you want, and figure out how to take small steps in that direction utilizing your strengths to get you from here to there over a period of time. Contact me if you’re interested.)

Image Source: Wikipedia.

Lessons from a 50 Mile UltraMarathon in the Year 2020

A friend of mine suggested I write about my experiences ultrarunning, and how I have been recovering.

To begin: on Saturday, October 10th, I ran my second (technically third, I suppose) ultra-marathon, and the longest one yet of 50 miles. This was my top goal of 2020, and despite races being cancelled left and right, I continued my training. A handful (four) of us who had a race cancelled decided to go ahead with our distance anyway, and our running coaches at Team Sparkle held a small group run with aid for us.

There were two loops of approximately five miles (5.66 and 4.75) that came to a single location where we had access to aid. The three of us who ran 50 miles did both of these loops five times, each. Mark, who ran a 100 miler, did these ten times. A few friends in the community, our coaches, and a person or two from our families came out to watch us, help us get water, and make sure we were making it through the woods unharmed.

50 Mile Finisher

one happy camper.

People often ask me, “What do you think about when you run for that long?” A lot of things. I planned a yoga class and spoke it out loud to a voice recorder. I thought about my career, and ways to grow my business. I thought about my newest venture in coaching, my family, my relationships, my legs. At mile 40 I finally allowed myself the gift of listening to music, and that was a blessing.

Al the while in training for this, I wondered what the gem was that I was searching for in this process. It was unclear to me until I was out there, on the trails. Here are the top things I learned that day, and in this process, in no particular order.

1. Stay Adaptable. Things will not go as planned, so train like you’re planning for anything. You’ll forget your special snacks. The people you thought would be there for support will not be able to come. You will hit a deer en route and have to start forty minutes late after arriving with a totaled car that was somehow still drivable. (True story.) Your stomach will not digest foods properly, you’ll take a (few) wrong turns and wind up in fields, you’ll choke on a muffin in your last three miles and wonder if it’s the end. Keep going, anyway. It won’t look like what you expected, but you’ll still go on and you will be happy that you did.

2. The Body Is Cool. And - it wants to work for you. Around mile fifteen, your hip flexors will start to ache and you’ll think, “I have another 35 miles to run on these tired legs.” But, trust in your training. If you did the work to get there, your legs have more in them than your mind thinks that they do. They are going to keep going long after their first twinge, so your real goal is to keep your mind right. Don’t dwell on the tiredness, or the pain. Stay positive. Don’t ignore if something is screaming, but don’t give in to every twinge. It will probably go away in a mile or two, so in the mean time talk to yourself out loud and thank your legs. They’re working for you.

3. Keep Choosing It. It can be quite easy to feel tired and want to drop out. But that’s not what you came here to do. Distance running is about choosing, over and over, to keep going - even when it is no longer fun. Even when you’ve gone to the bathroom in the woods four times and you’re struggling to keep down food. You made the choice to get in it, so make the choice to finish it - and as long as you’re making choices, choose to be grateful for your feet that carry you. Your legs that are working for you. Your heart, your lungs, this gift of this body that offers you the opportunity of adventure.

4. Coca-Cola and Ginger Ale Are God’s Gift to Ultrarunners. Self explanatory.

That said, I am happy to have my main goal of the year complete. Doing something that sounds impossible is daunting. After having committed to this goal, my levels of anxiety were sky high with imposter syndrome, wondering if I really did have it in me. It feels good to know that goals that are seemingly out of reach are, in fact, possible, and even more so if you surround yourself with people and coaches who believe in you, see your strengths, and give you a roadmap to get there.

So what’s next? Time will tell. I went on my first run post race today - six days post race - and it felt great. I’ve also practiced yoga twice, gone on a few walks, and done a strength training session. My body was tight for a few days, but surprisingly, my traps hurt most of all from the anxiety of the race and from carrying my pack. Is it something I would do again? Absolutely, just not so soon. I’m looking forward to some extra sleep, weekends to work in my yard, and to explore some other interests before I get so heavily invested in another training program.

That’s it! Hats off to all of us who completed big race goals, to our coaches who supplied the training, to our friends who aided us in the station, to our families who came out for support and ribbon dancer finishes, and to Todd who made this fabulous video of the weekend, where I make a cameo appearance at the end singing songs about Coca-Cola and dancing with ribbon dancers.

Happy fall!

Beet Ginger Smoothie

This is one of my favorite recipes out of the Run Fast Eat Slow cookbook. There are two of these cookbooks; I have them both and think they are a phenomenal resource for cooking. The recipes are simple, easy to prepare, and healthy - whether you’re a runner or not.

The beet smoothie is something I just tried a week or two ago for the first time, and I am in love with it. The beets are full of iron, and the ginger adds just a little kick to the sweetness of the blueberries and banana. I’ve made this recipe at least three times, and assume it will become a staple.

Drink your smoothie outdoors for extra vitamin D.

Beet Ginger Smoothie

Ingredients:

• 1 cup of almond milk

• 1 cup of coconut water

• 1 banana

• 1 beet, raw and peeled

• 1 cup of blueberries

• 1 tablespoon of nut butter

• a knob of ginger, peeled

Mix it all up in the Vitamix or your blender of choice, and enjoy!

Makes two servings (or one for when you’re very hungry).

Dear Friends Who Think They Need to Lose Weight Before Yoga

A friend and student wrote me an email this week. She said she wants to be "one of those people whose lives are radically changed by yoga," but she can't commit, because first she must lose weight and yoga doesn't burn as many calories as P90X and running.

I wrote her a response, and I thought it was worth sharing. Many of you have heard my story before, but if you haven't, read on, and find out how to be one of those people. I eliminated some of the more personal details relevant to her to protect her, but otherwise the email is intact. 

Loves of love and happy Samhain.

Dear Friends Who Think They Need To Lose Weight Before Committing to Yoga,

Thank you for sharing your story. 

I'd like to share a little bit of my story, too, because I think you might relate to parts of it. I found yoga when I was 18 years old. Instantly, I knew that yoga held the answers I was seeking - it was physical, emotional, spiritual - and I could feel its wisdom, but I was too afraid to dive in. Beyond the cultural shock, I was in the depths of an eating disorder. While the idea of yoga sounded wonderful, the fear part of me was pushing me to do more. I already carried so much shame about my anorexia that morphed into bulimia, and the thought of doing something gentle and calm for my body seemed too "nice" - like I needed to be punished instead.

Over the next seven years, I got better, but only from the outside. Mentally, I was still a wreck. I felt incredibly hypocritical, because, since age 19, I have been teaching exercise classes, acting as a personal trainer, and teaching yoga. 

I hit rock bottom when I moved to Kansas City five years ago. Alienated from my family and friends, injured and ill after pushing myself to complete another marathon that my body wasn't prepared for, and adjusting to life as an unemployed full-time stepmother was too much. Fed up with everything, I decided that, since everything else in my life was a complete mess, I may as well give this "yoga" thing a full time shot and commit myself for thirty days to just yoga, and nothing else. If I gained a couple of pounds - so what - it was only thirty days, and I could swear off yoga forever after that and go back to my current routine.

Thankfully, this thirty days transformed me. I didn't lose weight, but I didn't gain weight. But beyond my outside physical form - I felt better. I was more calm. I was a better stepmother. I was a better partner. I could look at my body in the mirror and not cringe - even though my body was a little less muscular. My body softened, and so did my heart. My suspicions as an 18-year-old were finally confirmed, but I think I needed to go through all of that self damage to really appreciate yoga in the way I appreciate it now.

So, I'd like to ask you a question, if you don't mind. What will happen 5, 10, or 25 pounds from now? Will you be any happier? Will your life be so radically different that you can finally give yourself permission to care for your self?

My suspicion is no. I've fluctuated fifty pounds over the past 15 years (which is quite a lot on a 5'2" frame), and I can tell you that at my thinnest, my biggest concerns were not gaining it back - I felt no more freedom in my mind even though my body was thinner.

The fifth yama from Patanjali is aparigraha - non-attachment. Non-attachment to what our bodies look like in their physical form, to what the pose looks like, to how things appear on the outside. The trigger is expectation - we expect that at a particular weight, or at a particular moment in our life, things will radically shift. The practice is letting go - of expectations, of desires. And when we perfect it, we get an experience that is incredibly profound - more profound than any physical change of form can ever deliver.

So, if you want to be one of those people whose lives are radically changed by yoga - I would say you are well on your path. :) My Yoga 101 course is a perfect start. In the back of the packet that comes with the course, there's resources and book recommendations - I would highly recommend A Life Worth Breathing by Max Strom. But, more than anything else, I would recommend that you practice. Regularly. Every day.

It doesn't have to be an hour. It can be five minutes of conscious breathing. It can be three sun salutations to start the day. It can be becoming aware of your posture and your sensory awareness while you're standing in line at the grocery store, and not looking at your phone. 

And having a teacher is really helpful. If you can get to a class even twice a month, being around other people who are consciously breathing and paying attention to their bodies is really powerful - it helps you drop into the practice even if you're not "feeling it" on a particular day. 

More than anything else, I think, is patience and trust in the process. That, if you put in the work and dedicate yourself - even five minutes per day, consistently - shifts will happen if you're patient and you approach with no expectation. 

I hope this email helps. Think of your yoga immersion as a marathon and not a sprint, because it will truly become a life-long practice if you allow it to. You will have your entire life ahead of you to grow, to change your life, and to transition to where you want to be - and it's a really beautiful, gradual unfolding if you allow it.

Lots of love,

Amie